The dating process is one of the most universally perplexing processes. The art as well as act of dating confounds even the most resolute of individuals dating. Dating requires that you be forthcoming, take a little of risks, become a great observer and listener, and trust and act on your observations and intuitions.
One essential reason to become a good observer is to be able to recognize unacceptable behavior and stop dating someone ASAP. Dating is a process and part of the process is to be an active participant and to be proactive in your decision-making and choices.
Dont let dating just occur to you.
Recently a friend of mine canceled a mid-week dinner date with a man she had been dating a couple of weeks. When she called him (the morning before the scheduled date) he wasnt home so she left a message on his answering machine explaining that she had a business conflict and look forward to seeing him soon.
She returned home later that evening to find a message on her machine in which he made accusations, called her names, and hung up abruptly. When she called him to talk about his unacceptable message he was remorseful and apologetic. He said canceling dinner hurt his feelings, and when he called to see if she was completely right and she wasnt home, he became worried.
My friend observed how this man behaves when his feelings are hurt and he is worried. She believed what he told her about himself and had the courage to stop dating him due to his behaviors are not behaviors that match her value for being treated with kindness and respect by people she invites into her world.
I could already hear some of you groaning and saying, "But this was exclusively one experience"
For all of you who are giving this man the benefit of the doubt, I invite you to review your own relationship histories.
? When did you cognize what you didnt want to know, that ultimately caused you or a partner to end a relationship?
? Dont think that just because you are dating someone you have to accept all of their idiosyncrasies, quirks, and behaviors.
? You are involved in a process that should result in you being able to make a life-long, love relationship in which you feel loved, respected, cherished, and experience deep passion and joy.
? Accepting someones bad behavior, no matter what the reason, is not part of the process.
People tell us about themselves from the very beginning. Have the willingness and courage to hear them accurately and believe them!
Remember, only YOU could make it happen!
Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005
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Dr. Jackie is an internationally recognized relationship expert, educator and coach. Advice and coaching about personal relationships is Dr. Jackie's passion. Her goal is to inspire and support single men, single women and couples through the challenges and pitfalls of dating, loving and building lasting, committed relationships in today's fast-paced world. Dr. Jackie's Relationship Coaching Programs and Groups, her Blog, downloadable PodCasts and her Internet streaming radio show are jam-packed with valuable dating tips and strategies.
Check out Dr. Jackie's Podcasts here: http://www.relationshiptalkpodcast.com
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